Pretty obviously, this is not my house.
But I want it, okay?
Because isn't that charming and inviting?!
Look at those steps and the flowers and the sunshine!
(I have no camera now. I don't know when I will, and until I do,
I will visit my photo files and use old stuff.)
Oh, hello, friends.
(Don't over-think the following, please. I wrote it in one quick go and don't have time to look it over and make it crisp and clear. Just read and interpret lightly and at face value!)
I need to apologize for leaving people hanging after
posting my recent message that I will be shutting down shop here and moving
along. I realize you’re not out there holding your breath, at the edge of your
seat, waiting for an update from me. But I do know, thanks to emails from some
of you, that there are people who have been checking the blog every day just in
case I might put up my new link, then abruptly disappear, leaving some of you
wondering where in the world I’ve gone.
I also realize now that I’ve created a somewhat
mysterious scenario and that at least three or four of you are wondering what I’ve
got up my sleeve. What am I going to reveal on my new blog? Haha. Nothing. I’ll just be moving
to a new spot. I have no agenda or theme or idea for how I want to approach my
new blog space.
I do not know what I’ll be writing (it may not feel
different at all to you), but I need to leave the old spaces behind and close
up shop. I’ve mentioned this before, but over the years, my kids have
occasionally said that they have been conscious of being watched or held up as an
example of learning, and indeed they have. In earlier years, more than one
person said to various of my kids: “We’re watching you to see how this turns
out.” Or, “My husband thinks your educational experiment can’t work and is
watching to see what happens.” Or, “We’re just so glad you are leading the way
for us so we can see how this is done.” Etc. Mostly, the thoughts were warm and
kind, but not always.
It may seem easy to say about those negative
watchers, “Who cares?!” Which is exactly what I did most of the time—shrugged it
off—because, from my adult perspective, I don’t
care what people think about how we live/d our lives. But my children were just
that—children. I should have protected them from the pointed watching and
measuring. Maybe they felt uncomfortable and sensed a subtle pressure, like they were living in a glass house or a
fishbowl and being graded for how they fared longterm.
On the one hand, my kids really didn’t care what
other people thought (they never have), but sometimes they got tired of
being used as an example (by me). It’s never comfortable to think you are being observed like some kind of
science experiment. And none of my kids really wanted (or wants now) to be used as
an example of how our little learning life worked. They always gave me
permission to tell stories about them, but I think now, in their honest hearts,
some of them wished I hadn’t (we’ve talked about this some), and I remember
that I occasionally had to talk them into it. I regret that I did. My kids wanted to
please me, and I feel now that I, while well-intentioned, took advantage of that.
All I wanted to do was to offer an alternative to tired homeschoolers, to say, “Hey,
there are a lot of different ways to approach learning and education. It can be
a wonderful experience.” And then to share how one family (mine) lives and
learns together.
Those days and years truly were lovely and joyful,
but I should have kept the kids' passions and interests more private. I shouldn’t
have evaluated their learning so that I could present it to others as a sort of
philosophy. In doing this, I only meant to encourage others. My kids understood this, so they were
willing for me to share, but I wish I would have done so differently, for their
sake--to give them more privacy and a chance to proceed in their learning
without me getting inspired by it to write the next installment in the serial
story of our learning lives.
My kids and I still
talk about how much we enjoyed the atmosphere of our home: the freedom, the
learning, the books, the creating, the making, the work, the celebrations, the
study, the passion, the food, the conversations, and on and on and on. It was
truly lovely and fun! I think we are all profoundly grateful for those years.
My family has gone through some extremely difficult, challenging times, and the
environment we had in our home gave us all a lot of strength. The challenges
continue. They have been, and are, part of our education, as we have all had to
press hard into the Lord and to trust Him, even now, day by day. I only hope
that you don’t have to go through what we did, but I know that you have had, or will
have, your own struggles and pain. God is certainly faithful, and some
wonderful gifts become ours through our deep difficulties.
There were so many mistakes that I made with my kids,
but they forgive me and give me a ton of grace, respect, and love. <3 <3
<3 <3 (That’s one heart for each of them!) Maybe that’s because they know
without a doubt that I love them and always had their best interests in mind,
even if I didn’t always use the best judgment.
I am not writing this or changing my blog because my
kids have asked me to. Actually, I don’t think this crosses their mind at all
unless I bring it up, but when I do, they speak openly with me about it, and I
know they have been uncomfortable with all of the writing I’ve done about them.
I really do respect that, and even though they would tell me to leave everything on my
blog (for heaven’s sake !), I am going to remove it, for their sakes. The world
is going to be just fine without my homeschooling stories archived on the
internet! There are plenty of others out there who write about the same things.
I will still write about my family. I might even
write about learning and home and other things as well, but I will just use
more care not to give you the nitty gritty of my kids’ daily lives, work,
creations, etc. I might post photos of what they make sometimes, but I won’t
evaluate it and frame it in philosophical terms. (But can I just say that my
kids are wonderful people who continue to learn and create and think and grow
and amaze me? I love and admire them all so much!)
AndI just want to let my kids continue to learn and
grow and work and create in privacy. The internet is a very public place. There
are people whose every moment is being documented, photographed, and uploaded
to the internet, sometimes hour by hour. What will it be like for a child to
grow up that way? Watched? Will he regret it? Resent it? Does it/will it alter
the way he interacts with the world or how he uses his free time? We don’t know,
do we? But I’m a bit afraid that we’re losing touch with the real things, the
natural things and rhythms of life, the slow, deliberate way.
Life is becoming a performance. I wonder about that
even with my blogging sometimes. What am I doing, and why? Is this healthy? I just know that I love to type out my thoughts and stories and musings sometimes, and a blog is a good place to keep those sorts of things, and it's a nice place to connect with people who like to think about the same things. (Like you!)
But what does privacy even mean nowadays? Are we losing perspective on that? How
can we protect our kids and allow them some (plenty of) unwatched, unphotographed,
undocumented moments? Where should we set the limits and draw the lines?
I’m just asking questions and offering no answers. I
don’t think I’ve cleared up in this post why I’m making changes, partly because
I’m not entirely sure what those changes are going to be.
But, hey, I do know one thing. Whenever I finally think of
a blog title, I will get that new one started and shut these old ones down! :-)
I will give lots of warning before I close the old
blogs, so you don’t need to exhaust yourself running over here every day to see
if I’ve gone away yet! (I forget that a lot of people don’t use readers, so they
have no way of knowing what’s going on unless they click onto my blog.)
Okay. I need to get to studying now. (I have some
reading to do about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. This is going to be an
interesting class!)
So good. And gives me so much to think about. I used to just write stories on my blog, no pics and nothing personal about my kids. But that "dark side" drew me in. You make me think of going back to that. I just might. You continue to inspire Susan, can't wait for the new blog!
ReplyDeleteOh, Amy, I think you do a *great* job not sharing too much intimate detail about your kids (not that I am the arbiter of what should or shouldn't be said or posted). I really believe I just analyzed and shared too much about my kids. More than I should have. But it's kind of complicated. I guess we all just need to pray about it and be sensitive to the Lord. :-) I always love reading your words and seeing your photos. . .
DeleteHi Susan,
ReplyDeleteI recently discovered your blogs and really enjoyed reading your thoughts on education, life, books, etc. I very much
agree with you that blogging presents many challenges and questions in the area of protecting one's and one's family's privacy while providing useful and interesting information for everyone else to read and connecting with people you might otherwise never connect with in "real" life. On an unrelated note, I happen to live in Israel and therefore I would be happy to answer any questions you might have on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict (because obviously I have plenty to say on the subject) or anything related or point out other resources that might be helpful!
Regina, first I want to say how truly happy I am to know that you are here. It's nice to meet you! I would love to know about any resources you can point me to that you believe offers critical information about the issue. One of the books we are using for class is called One Land, Two Stories. It just came out. Do you know of it? I might email you, if you don't mind. I don't have much time at all to be reading a lot of outside information because my term is extremely reading-heavy, but I would love to chat with you about this a bit if you have time. Thanks for the offer! :-) Hopefully, I'll talk with you soon.
DeleteI haven't heard of this book, but I would love to discuss this further and send you some links and things. So please email me because I don't know how to contact you other through this blog. Hope to speak to you soon. RG
DeleteRegina, I will try to get to you ASAP (in the next day or two)! I have some things I'm taking care of (including wrapping up this blog thing). Thank you for your offer. I really do appreciate this! Susan
DeleteSusan,
ReplyDeleteI think all of us with adult children, who have blogged through some of their younger years, hit this place where it no longer seems appropriate to share as much about our children. They are adults with their own private lives and it is not our place to document them as closely or analyze them online any more. Going through the homeschool years, the stories and musings are part of the process and your writings have been incredibly helpful to many. But your family is not a continuing case-study. You should feel the freedom to keep up as little or as much online as you feel appropriate.
I really appreciate what you have written here and relate to so very much of it. One of these days, I just really hope we get that cup of coffee together!
Love,
Beth
Yeah, I totally agree with you, Beth. And I've never been tempted to write about what my kids are doing now as adults (no specific details or analysis anyway!) just because I respect their privacy.
DeleteBut I do wish I hadn't been so open about everything my kids did and learned during their growing-up years. When my kids were still home, I was the leader of big (real-life, not online)groups that met solely to discuss *my family's* way of learning. Week after week, I answered questions about how we did things (because we did have our own, unorthodox way of doing things) I openly shared my philosophy with people and painted portraits of how it looked in (our) real life. I wrote wrote "articles" for newsletters and things, shared my thoughts and stories about my kids with authors of more than one book (who published my thoughts), spoke at retreats, brunches, coffees, meetings, conferences. A lot of people were watching my kids and blatantly said so (to me and to them). I think all children and families are different, and we just need to be sensitive to, and prayerful about, our own. *I* definitely crossed lines I shouldn't have with my kids. They have been uncomfortable with stuff I've written about them. A lot of it is fairly inspecific and fine to share, but some of it really does hold various kids up as examples of successful learning. My kids just don't like the writings about them much. Other kids might not mind at all.
Does this make sense? I'm not trying to draw parameters for how others should think. But I am trying to respect my own kids childhood a bit more than I have in the past (according to what matters to them).
I think I am only confounding what I already said in my post! :-)
Thanks for your thoughts and encouragement, Beth. I really, really do hope, too, that we'll have that coffee together someday. That would be so nice! :-)
Thank you for your explanation today. I will admit that a part of me was thinking, "Oh no, has she come to a conclusion that she did things all wrong and would go back and do them differently!" But the saner part of me figured you were simply uncomfortable having others look to you as an "expert" on homeschooling. You have always been so humble and never expressed yourself as having the "one" way to "best" homeschool. I was obviously off on both accounts. I can certainly understand your concern over your children and the amount of information you share(d) about them. I have many of the same questions you express about the way we live our lives today and the role of blogs and social media. Ultimately, for our family, I find myself coming back to a slower, less technology driven daily life. But I cannot help and also wonder about that decision- will I regret NOT allowing my children more "practice" with dealing with the reality of technology, etc.
ReplyDeleteI think as homeschoolers all of our children are put under a microscope. Even without an online "public" appearance, I think my children feel that, especially in certain circles. What you describe coming from other homeschoolers (watching carefully and almost ready to see you fail) is something that I have seen in the homeschool community (online and in person) and have always been disappointed in. I figure we homeschoolers are already swimming against the tide, we would have a much easier time if we swam together- focusing on our similarities instead of our differences. For what it is worth, I have always seen your writings as encouraging a lifestyle and as sharing something you believed in but NOT as a condemnation of anything other homeschoolers are doing. I appreciate that in this world where I see more and more polarization across all subjects and issues.
This online sharing is just SO tricky. The truth is that your words and encouragement- found online by me, a stranger who would never have had the opportunity to meet you in real life- has helped me to follow my heart and to listen to what God wants for MY family. Simply knowing that you confidently look back on your educational choices and feel that, for the most part, you chose the "better" thing, is incredibly helpful. I will admit that, in years past, I WAS looking for some "proof" in your stories that would show me that "your" way of homeschooling would result in "success." Thankfully, I have come to define the very idea of "success" much differently as of late. I have come to see that, for us, success is not about test scores or high paying jobs. Rather, it is about following God's will in this world.
Thank you for all that you have contributed that has helped me to get to this place.
I hope you will not carry guilt about what you have shared. Your words have blessed. When words bless in this world, it seems that there will always be others there, questioning and tempting one to question themselves. What you have done you have done with a pure and sharing heart.
God Bless you as you continue to define your comfort level with this crazy online reality!
Tracey, I could write such a long reply to you. Thank you for this really great, insightful comment and for your encouragement. I love what you said about how you've come to learn to define success. Yay you! :-) I wish I had time to say more, but I want you to know that I appreciate you! Blessings, Susan.
DeleteI'm not a parent so I can't relate to this post from that side of things, but I can say that I sometimes cringe at what is shared about children on the mommy type blogs. As you said, each family has to make this decision for themselves, but all I can say is that I'm very glad that blogging/facebook wasn't around when I was growing up. I feel like children have so little privacy and too many eyes watching them while they live and learn and make mistakes.
ReplyDeleteKuddos to you for realizing that you crossed some boundaries (the personal ones for your family) and are making changes.
~Michele
Michele, I have always appreciated your discretion and wisdom. Thank you for coming along with me through the whole blogging journey. I've gleaned so much from you and have always loved your comments. God bless you, Michele, and keeping sharing your wise heart. Susan
DeleteLooking forward to your writing, Susan, in whatever form. ;)
ReplyDeleteWell, Andrea. . . :-) You were one of the first ones ever to read my HDH blog, and I've just loved you from the start! You are a wise woman and a gem, and I will continue to read your wonderful blog.
DeletexoSusan
I can certainly see this from your kids' point of view. And you make an excellent point about life becoming not just a performance (as with music), but a celebrity performance.
ReplyDeleteThat photo, by the way, looks like a house I saw last year in Sassorosso, a tiny town in the Garfagnana mountains. We saw the town off the road two years ago, but it was inaccessible by car. We returned the next year, got out of the car, and the five of us (including two friends) got out looked around. Because it was approaching noon, no one was on the street, and as we went by a window much like the one in your photo, a face appeared, talking on the phone, and staring at us. It was an uncomfortable feeling, because as much as we wanted to see the town, we were aware that we didn't belong. I'm pretty sure you had to be related to someone there to belong.
I think there's an contrast and comparison there somewhere with your post, but I'm not going to tease it out.
Hello Laura! I've already talked with you by email, but thank you for your comment and your friendship. That's funny/uncomfortable (!) about your house-story, and I actually can see a comparison there, too. Talk with you later. . . :-)
DeleteA wonderful post with some very thought provoking ideas. I don't have a blog but one of your thoughts really hit me regarding all social media venues - Life can become a performance, if everything is seen through the "eyes/lense" of how this particular event, situation, etc. will play online (facebook, pinterest, twitter, youtube, blogs, etc.). Still mulling this over in my mind. Looking forward to what's ahead with your blog. Thank you! Shirley in Washington
ReplyDeleteShirley, I love your thoughts here, and I really do think we need to take a good look at what we're doing! I'm glad you commented so that I can say thank you for being here. You are a blessing. Best wishes, Susan.
DeleteI so often feel uncomfortable by what I read, even by popular Christian writers. Prudence bows to applause. In this climate, if you exercise discretion you are 'fake' or hiding something. There seems a huge chasm between how women of our generation and women of our adult children's generation (who grew up with social media and reality tv) view privacy.
ReplyDeleteThe parameters I drew for myself were that I could tell my own stories, but refrain from telling others', even where they overlap with my own. They may be very real and even illustrative. Certainly people might relate and take comfort. But at what cost? Where is the line between ministering (to unknown readers) and exploiting the very real people in our lives?
I do blog our journeys and our activities. I hope people see very imperfect people with great love. But some stories will only be told over coffee cups and candlelit tables and that is how it should be.
Kim, this is exactly why I've hounded you for years at your blog! :-) You are a wise and extremely articulate woman. Thank you for sharing your excellent thoughts and observations. I agree totally with all of it. Talk with you soon, Kim. xo
Deletebless you dearly..
ReplyDeletesherry
Sherry, *thank you*, and I pray God will bless you dearly, too! (And blessings and warm thoughts from me, as well.) :-)
Delete